I don't know that I really believe in unrequited love. It goes against human dignity. Let me explain. If you love somebody so much you want to marry them, and they don't want to marry you, and you pine your life away, what does that say about yourself? You don't have too much dignity for yourself. That is what my friend Jim told me once when I was really having trouble with my second love of my life. Jim said, "Do you not have self dignity? He doesn't want you, yet you are going to give yourself only for him and stay in mourning. That goes against human dignity, especially for yourself." I thought about it. It does go against my dignity for self. And another thing, Celine writes about being a "victim". I am a victim for NO ONE. I choose to be a victim or not to be a victim. If you let somebody go, you are never a victim, you have made a choice. If you choose not to obsess on this person, you are NOT a victim. Go find somebody who will love you, and treat you like the princess (or queen) and the king that you are. And remember, as the saying goes, If you love somebody let them go, if they return good, if they don't, they were never yours to begin with. Thanks for listening to my diatribe, LOL. Sign me, through with being a victim,
Oh, I agree with Krissy that no one need be a victim. However, I disagree that I would lose my self-dignity to love someone unrequited. One can love another, but not wait for that person, to stay open to love with another and moving on in his or her own life. It doesn't mean that love should not exist, just how to have it exist (or get it to die), while maintaining ones sense of self, self-worth and self-dignity? I am assuming this discussion is in regards to romantic love here.
This comment is in response to Ceilisundancer who commented below.
If you read Celine's entry referenced by Guido in this post, you will see that Celine calls herself a "victim". She says " I myself am a victim of 'unrequited love.' That's probably not something that many people think about, until it happens to them." Celine continues, "It can be such a horrible feeling; your heart aches as though it's in a vise and you can barely breathe. You're humiliated and chances are, you never tell anyone about it."
Then Celine asks bloggers to tell others about their unrequitted love stories in her comments section. She says no one will know about your story of unrequited love except your blogger friends, and if you are still to shy you could create a screename.
My point is this: Why should you be "shy"? Why should you be embarassed to "tell anyone about it"? Why should you be ashamed? Why should you be "humiliated"? Why should you call yourself a "victim"??? (Quotes are hers.) I still stand by what I said. It is a matter of human dignity. Yes, you can still love, but to pine away to the extent that you do not leave yourself open to new love, you are not dealing in human dignity. And to be aching so hard that you can't breathe, being humiliated, etc, lacks dignity of self.
This is a long comment and is going to take two parts, LOL, so I will continue in the next comment.
This comment is in response to the comment no. 3 posted by ceilisundancer. It is contained in comment nos. 5 & 6 because there wasn't enough space for me to finish in comment section no. 5, LOL. Okay, here is the rest of my comment, which you may want to read after you read comments 3 & 5. Oh yeah, and 2, LOL. 2 was written by me. We are having a real dialogue, LOL. Anway, where is my finishing comment from comment # 6, the very last comment posted:
I do know about unrequited love, I can speak from experience. I almost married somebody, who I loved a lot (Eric). He changed his mind at the last mine. A friend of mine, Jim, said stop pining, it showed a lack of love for myself, and my dignity. Jim told me to date somebody who would treat me as good as I treated them. To have some dignity and respect for myself. So I decided I would not pine for Eric anymore. He was no longer appealing to me. Good thing. Because if I had tried to welcome him back, and stayed in that same state, I would never had met John. Life moves on. Eric holds a small teeny tiny place in my heart, a very, very small place, as he is part of my life, but I will NEVER BE HIS VICTIM, as celine calls herself a victim. I am NOBODY'S victim.
Krissy -- I quite agree in not being a victim! I think Celine is incorrect to refer to all unrequited love as being a victim. If one choses to live ones life as a victim, then yes, that would be giving up ones self, and ones self-dignity. But, to me, that is not how unrequited love is defined. To me, it's as basic as when one person loves another, who doesn't love him or her back. I don't believe that in and of itself requires or assumes victimhood, or giving up of ones own dignity. one might do that, but it's certainly not, IMHO, a definition of unrequited love. Now, asyou point out, Celine is defining it in that fashion......... and I disagree with her definition:)
It's all good, Krissy, we love and do so in ways that stay respecting ourselves, eh?!
Well, as I e-mailed you, apparently I was not clear enough previously:) And/or perhaps my own thoughts on it were not even clarified sufficiently until after reading Celine's blog entry, and your comments. Discussion can be a good thing! It's all good -- have a great day -- Robin
Unrequited love is a powerful emotion....however one should ask ourselves did we learn or just experience this emotion? The first time we experience it, is the hardest..exploring, and examining our reaction to it may either allow us to build a tolerance or merely look upon it as one of life's downsides.. Most importantly also, is understanding that the unrequited will no doubt be the pursued one day, and will only therefore realise what sufferu=ing this causes to the other person...
This I believe is the sad true fact of the matter. We know what it feels like to not want another person who is in love with us, we just do not enjoy that feeling bestowed upon us... The secret is to embrace that you have the power to love and having the confidence to pursue a love with mutual reciprocation
10 comments:
High above the city
on Saint Valentine's Day,
a heart shaped balloon
someone let slip away.
I don't know that I really believe in unrequited love. It goes against human dignity. Let me explain. If you love somebody so much you want to marry them, and they don't want to marry you, and you pine your life away, what does that say about yourself? You don't have too much dignity for yourself. That is what my friend Jim told me once when I was really having trouble with my second love of my life. Jim said, "Do you not have self dignity? He doesn't want you, yet you are going to give yourself only for him and stay in mourning. That goes against human dignity, especially for yourself." I thought about it. It does go against my dignity for self. And another thing, Celine writes about being a "victim". I am a victim for NO ONE. I choose to be a victim or not to be a victim. If you let somebody go, you are never a victim, you have made a choice. If you choose not to obsess on this person, you are NOT a victim. Go find somebody who will love you, and treat you like the princess (or queen) and the king that you are. And remember, as the saying goes, If you love somebody let them go, if they return good, if they don't, they were never yours to begin with. Thanks for listening to my diatribe, LOL. Sign me, through with being a victim,
Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
Oh, I agree with Krissy that no one need be a victim. However, I disagree that I would lose my self-dignity to love someone unrequited. One can love another, but not wait for that person, to stay open to love with another and moving on in his or her own life. It doesn't mean that love should not exist, just how to have it exist (or get it to die), while maintaining ones sense of self, self-worth and self-dignity? I am assuming this discussion is in regards to romantic love here.
sometimes i think it's not love unless it's mutual,
it's only longing.
i don't mean to belittle longing,
that's a powerful force in itself.
This comment is in response to Ceilisundancer who commented below.
If you read Celine's entry referenced by Guido in this post, you will see that Celine calls herself a "victim". She says " I myself am a victim of 'unrequited love.' That's probably not something that many people think about, until it happens to them." Celine continues, "It can be such a horrible feeling; your heart aches as though it's in a vise and you can barely breathe. You're humiliated and chances are, you never tell anyone about it."
Then Celine asks bloggers to tell others about their unrequitted love stories in her comments section. She says no one will know about your story of unrequited love except your blogger friends, and if you are still to shy you could create a screename.
My point is this: Why should you be "shy"? Why should you be embarassed to "tell anyone about it"? Why should you be ashamed? Why should you be "humiliated"? Why should you call yourself a "victim"??? (Quotes are hers.) I still stand by what I said. It is a matter of human dignity. Yes, you can still love, but to pine away to the extent that you do not leave yourself open to new love, you are not dealing in human dignity. And to be aching so hard that you can't breathe, being humiliated, etc, lacks dignity of self.
This is a long comment and is going to take two parts, LOL, so I will continue in the next comment.
Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
This comment is in response to the comment no. 3 posted by ceilisundancer. It is contained in comment nos. 5 & 6 because there wasn't enough space for me to finish in comment section no. 5, LOL. Okay, here is the rest of my comment, which you may want to read after you read comments 3 & 5. Oh yeah, and 2, LOL. 2 was written by me. We are having a real dialogue, LOL. Anway, where is my finishing comment from comment # 6, the very last comment posted:
I do know about unrequited love, I can speak from experience. I almost married somebody, who I loved a lot (Eric). He changed his mind at the last mine. A friend of mine, Jim, said stop pining, it showed a lack of love for myself, and my dignity. Jim told me to date somebody who would treat me as good as I treated them. To have some dignity and respect for myself. So I decided I would not pine for Eric anymore. He was no longer appealing to me. Good thing. Because if I had tried to welcome him back, and stayed in that same state, I would never had met John. Life moves on. Eric holds a small teeny tiny place in my heart, a very, very small place, as he is part of my life, but I will NEVER BE HIS VICTIM, as celine calls herself a victim. I am NOBODY'S victim.
Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
Krissy -- I quite agree in not being a victim! I think Celine is incorrect to refer to all unrequited love as being a victim. If one choses to live ones life as a victim, then yes, that would be giving up ones self, and ones self-dignity. But, to me, that is not how unrequited love is defined. To me, it's as basic as when one person loves another, who doesn't love him or her back. I don't believe that in and of itself requires or assumes victimhood, or giving up of ones own dignity. one might do that, but it's certainly not, IMHO, a definition of unrequited love. Now, asyou point out, Celine is defining it in that fashion......... and I disagree with her definition:)
It's all good, Krissy, we love and do so in ways that stay respecting ourselves, eh?!
Yes, ceilisundancer, I do agree with your previous comment. So sorry I misunderstood you and your previous comments and postings. Mea culpa.
Krissy :)
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink
Well, as I e-mailed you, apparently I was not clear enough previously:) And/or perhaps my own thoughts on it were not even clarified sufficiently until after reading Celine's blog entry, and your comments. Discussion can be a good thing! It's all good -- have a great day -- Robin
Unrequited love is a powerful emotion....however one should ask ourselves did we learn or just experience this emotion? The first time we experience it, is the hardest..exploring, and examining our reaction to it may either allow us to build a tolerance or merely look upon it as one of life's downsides.. Most importantly also, is understanding that the unrequited will no doubt be the pursued one day, and will only therefore realise what sufferu=ing this causes to the other person...
This I believe is the sad true fact of the matter. We know what it feels like to not want another person who is in love with us, we just do not enjoy that feeling bestowed upon us... The secret is to embrace that you have the power to love and having the confidence to pursue a love with mutual reciprocation
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